My battle has raged for 3 and half years and exhausted all of my financial resources as well as the resources of many loved ones.. We spent a year from arraignment and incarceration to conviction and ultimately the conviction overturned and the new trial is ready to start. Although this seems an eternity, many defendants spend many months or even years in prison awaiting trial while friends and family try to bring about justice. Relationships have been strained financially as friends and supporters have donated bail funds in excess of $12,000 as well as legal funds totaling so far over $90,000 for both defendants. The constant need for help while people have their own lives and problems to deal with over such a long time has an accumulative effect. The strain to a spouse is constant and can be overwhelming. I have seen more than a few marriages end in divorce as the result of a defendant willing to fight. And I have seen family fortunes depleted in the name of “justice”
Many people say that time is on our side but it turns out that’s not so much the case. In addition to people getting sick, moving away, dying etc… The ability to take on a project such as long term support is commiserate with caring for a sick or dying relative long term. Day after day, going to court. Event after event, meeting after meeting. It never seems to end. People can’t stay for the whole time or come to every meeting so unless a major complex support team is in place, more often than not things break down to some degree. Some of The heaviest casualties of this battlefront are weary volunteers with hearts bigger than their lives. So many times these “angels” burn out and end up feeling dejected and rejected needlessly.
The victim most affected by this war is the spouse of the defendant. Often they endure the raid and stress of their partner‘s arrest and imprisonment. They have to arrange bail as well as holding the family together (assuming cps is not involved.) Then the constant presence of supporters around as the struggle to mount a defense drags on. My wife has been pushed to the brink many times as she is by nature a private person and has been forced to share her life as I do “open book style” for the duration of the trial. One fundraiser to the next, one court date to the next, seldom is the peaceful day anymore. As the weariness grows, feelings become sensitive and tempers often flare. Many have walked away, unwilling to deal with the pressure. Meanwhile, our adversaries are just doing their job on our dime. That’s just the reality.
It takes a special person to care more about something else or someone else, than one’s self. Even so, it’s difficult to keep going, day after day, after day. If it weren’t for our tireless smiling leader and his wife Liz, that I am ever so proud to call my friend, I would have walked away defeated, long ago.
Admittedly, I would like to give up, to just rest. Lick my wounds and not talk to the people I would rather not talk to, to stay home and not go places I would rather not go. I would rather not use resources for gas and time that I could invest in myself and my family. I prefer quiet solitude over argumentative, ill informed, close minded masses, any day. The fear that mounts in just facing the ignorance and the stigmas, often make it difficult just to leave my house.
But I care, so I do. I leave the house every day and go to a meeting or talk to a stranger. I speak in public despite my nerves, and I defend the truth about Cannabis every chance I’m given.
Every minute that I endure crowds, new and unfamiliar places and faces, I suffer from severe anxieties. A capable activist must put all that and their ego aside though, and ironic as it may sound, without Cannabis I would NOT be an affective activist. So those of you that have access to this precious medicine have little excuse to not be out here fighting this battle alongside me, and it makes me angry that so many of us burn out, or let petty arguments lure them away. It’s easy to just sigh and give up. Easier than working next to someone you don’t like for the sake of something more important than the two of us not liking each other. Much easier. So let’s medicate and get to work, shall we?
No one should go to jail for a plant, and while fighting for this truth, there’s enough of us capable and not in prison, that no one should be “burning out”. I get angry when I hear others say they’re “bored”. Or that they’re “so angry” about what’s going on yet, I don’t see them in court. Ever. Or a city hall meeting, in THEIR OWN CITY. Truth be told, there’s too many of us to burn out if all of us were in this together. There are too many organizations fighting for the same cause, separately. It makes no damn sense. I don’t want to be angry and feel over worked! I want to be able to contribute and still have some energy for myself and my own family. Doesn’t everyone that cares about freedom from this war, deserve a little down time?
I look around at all the stagnancy, at all the complacency, at all the division and finger pointing, and I don’t know what to do or say, so I just keep plugging on and continue to “burn out”. I wish I had my comrades next to me though, fighting alongside me even if they don’t necessarily like me. What a great feeling that would be for all of us!!!! Finally pulling it together, getting our heads out of our preverbal asses and actually being a formidable opponent!!! To be together as a team, despite our petty differences….wow, yeah. That will be the day we win.
To make large, positive changes, we must change our divided efforts into one massive campaign. One conglomeration of like-minded, strong and intelligent people. We all know this to be true, but the egos and division keep many of us from admitting the most intelligent of strategies. That is, set aside our egos and focus on what’s important. To help each other and work together. If we allow it to happen, our egos will push us right off the damn cliff we’ve all been breaking our asses to climb. We’re about halfway up, grab a hand and we can all reach the top. The freedom, the view, and the sunrise awaits us.
It’s what the Ribbon we wear so proudly is all about, Solidarity! It’s in you. It’s in all of us. Martin Luther King, like so many other great leaders, believed in us so much they gave their freedoms, and indeed their lives to make our world a better place for everyone in it.
We can do this if we do it together. I feel it is paramount, we MUST figure out how to set aside our precious egos and forge ahead as a strong and formidable unit. The inner fighting, the egos, and the bickering, is POISON.
I’ve met some extremely intelligent people in this movement. Some beautiful, loving, and very, very kind people. I love each and every one of them. We, have differences. Sometimes we don’t agree, but the way we stick together and forge ahead is what makes us shine, it’s what makes us better than the rest, and it’s what will win this war. I wish so much that we could just be one team. With people like Steve Collett, Joe and Liz Grumbine, some of the great leaders from ASA, NORML, other organizations, the surrounding communities, and all of our efforts joined as one, we simply could not fail.
Thanks for not giving up on us Joe, Liz. We realize the tremendous sacrifices you make on a daily basis for us, for everyone, and we will continue to support and do our very best, because of who you are, what you stand for, and what you do. Never give up. We may straggle and we may burn out, but we will get back up, brush off the dirt and forge on eventually. Just don’t give up on us. Like children, we’re learning and growing, and I know some day we will all shine!
I also know that we are so much better and smarter than our adversaries, our cause so much more profound than theres, it’s time we proved it. I believe in the power of Solidarity, I believe in the Ribbon, and I believe in us.